Hearts are funny in a way. They can break a million times. They can shatter into tiny fragments so sharp that you feel like you can't breath, and that your chest is being stabbed in a million places. It's funny how your heart can break into all those tiny pieces, but still be whole. It still beats.
I don't know how many times my heart can break for J. His brother got an invitation to a birthday party today. He frequently gets invites to things. J knows this. He said, "You know how C gets invited to things all the time? How come I don't?" I tried to stay strong, and as tears filled my eyes, I said, "Well, kids invite different kids, but you will have your birthday party in January."
He said, "But Mom, that's not being invited. It's not like you get invited to your own birthday party."
What do you say to that? What do you say to a nine year old who hangs his head and asks those questions? If you have the answers, please tell me, because I have no idea. I know he's not perfect, but its devastating to watch all the other kids with their friends. I want so badly for him to find a friend. If I could find a genie in a lamp and rub it, my only wish would be that he could be accepted. I don't want him to change. I love him the way that he is. But, I want for him to be accepted by his peers.
my heart aches for your J, for my Brooke, for all of these beautiful souls who walk to a drumbeat only they hear.
ReplyDeletetheir friends are out there. somewhere. waiting. i know they are. they will find each other.
But it is sooooo hard to watch while we wait. I thought today that someday - my sweet, quiet, wonderful son - will find a niche. It might not be until college - but someday, it will happen. That is my hope. I won't give up that hope.
ReplyDeleteThis breaks my heart, and terrifies me of the future at the same time. Much love to your J & your heart. I would invite him if I could!
ReplyDeleteThis makes me sad & terrified too. My heart breaks for you & your J. I would invite him!
ReplyDelete