I never could have imagined that Autism would give my son gifts. I didn't want to associate positive things with this hated word. But, my son wouldn't be who he was if he didn't have it. He wouldn't have some of the gifts that he has without it, so who am I to wish it changed.
My son is nine years old, heading rapidly to that huge double digit stage. Most nine year old boys that I know are blood and guts and gore and grossness. They are looking for snakes to scare someone with, rough and tumble.
Autism has gifted my son with a sensitivity that is rare in children. He sometimes makes me see the world through a different set of eyes.
Today the boys and I spent most of the day today going back and forth from the "old" home place getting things from the yard. When we went into the garage to gather a few left behind things, I picked up a box and began screaming. Inside the box was a baby mouse. I despise mice. I grew up in a very poor home, and mice were ALWAYS in my house. Mice seem to have an affection for me that I have never understood. Once I woke up with a mouse sitting on my arm. Another time one fell in love with me and would chase me all over the house and crawled up my leg. Maybe it is all the cheese that I eat. No lie! Ask my family. My brother finally had to take a broom to it when it chased me up a chair one day and then sat there staring at me.
Anyway, I digress. So, I pick up the box and am trying to figure out what to do with it. It has some of my books in it and some soccer shirts. I pull the shirt up out of the box, and to my absolute HORROR find THREE more baby mice. I am distraught. Jackson is entranced. They are young. They don't even have their eyes open. All I can see is ick and gross and MOUSE. Jackson begins oooing and cooing all over them. He asks if he can pet them. He comments on how tiny they are, and how their momma must be missing them. He asks if he can have them as pets. I squawk out a NO.
He talks to them as if they are the sweetest little things in the world. He reaches in and with the tip of his finger pets one of them and it squeaks. He talks about how they must be afraid because of the noises that they are making. He tells me that we must place the box back in the floor of the garage so that the momma can find her babies.
My heart began to hurt for the babies and their distraught momma. As we get back into the truck to leave, he comments about how he will miss the little mice, and hopes that they are okay.
Who looks at a mouse and sees innocence and beauty? I certainly never did, before today.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
What is Autism?
It's been a while since I could post. We have moved recently, and it has been a nightmare. For any family moving can be stressful to the max. For a family with an autistic child, it's somewhere south of you know where. ;)
We began the process months ago, putting our place up for sale, explaining to J that this is what was happening. Preparation seems to work best with him. Finally, the place sold. We were keeping our trailer, in the hopes that being in the same home would soften the blow for him. Then, one day the man showed up at the house to begin cutting down trees. J FLIPPED. He could not understand why this man was cutting down trees. It was NOT his place. Then we actually had to move in with my husband's parents for a couple of weeks until we could get things moved over. The complete change in routine (and lack of routine for that matter) led to disaster. He was going to bed two hours later than normal in a different house, and in a different shower every morning, etc. His teacher was emailing me about what an awful week he had had. He had gone backwards, she noticed. We also noticed at home that he was having more crying jags and meltdowns.
We are now back in our house. I am hopeful that this will set his routine back in motion, and will enable him to get back to his normal.
What is autism exactly? Can anyone definitely answer that question? A link to an article can quickly become a hotly debated topic. Is it cause by a vaccine? Is it genetic? Can it be cured? So many questions, with no real answers.
I am going to go out on a limb here, and say what I believe. Now, of course, that doesn't make it the gospel. It doesn't make it true. It doesn't even make it logical. It's just my experience with life. I am pretty sure that autism is genetic. A blog that I follow talked about how hard it is for many parents of autistics to advocate for their children, because many of them display autistic traits themselves. That has really set me to thinking for some time. Even before that, I had my suspicions that this was something that had been passed down through the generations.
For years my brother has been what people have always called "odd, not right, different, weird." He's always been very unemotional. He can't process things. He had tons of ear infections as a child. He was and still is a loner. I could go on and on all day about traits that he has that I guarantee would label him autistic. No one has ever been able to figure him out, but I have a suspicion that I know. He's not the only one that I could point out these behaviors in, but he's certainly the strongest.
I also don't think that there is any ONE thing that triggers autism. Some parents feel that the MMR vaccine triggered it in their child. I think that J's extremely traumatic birth triggered it in him. He's been this way his entire life. Nothing seemed to "trigger" him at any age. He's just always been that way. I think that it's something in their DNA or their brain that is waiting for something to trigger it. I think that trigger can be just about anything. Because I believe this, I don't believe that we will ever find out everything about it. I don't believe that we will ever cure it. I do believe as more environmental factors and other things impact our children, the rates will continue to skyrocket.
I had a frustrating incident today. I won't talk much about it here, because I don't want to offend anyone, but it frustrates me to NO end that there are some people that look at my child and see crying screaming brat/baby who can't handle the situation, and look at another child with a visible disability and have a completely different perception. It's not that he's being a brat, it's not that he's not trying. It's not bad parenting. It's not that we aren't trying. It makes me feel very defeated.
I constantly look for the positive in this situation. I used to spend a lot of time thinking, why? Why my child? Why my family? Why? What did we do? But those are more unanswerable questions. Why any child? Why any family? Why? What did anyone do? I can't dwell on that. This quote came to me, and it fits perfectly. "It's taken me all my life to understand that it is not necessary to understand everything." Rene Coty
I know my posts may seem pretty down a lot, and I apologize for that. I have determined to end every post with a positive, because my son is a great kid.
I truly believe that J is destined for great things. He seems to have a special affinity for young children. Every time he sees a young child or an infant he becomes determined to do everything in his power to make them smile and laugh. As I was standing in the grocery store today, I turned around to find J in the next aisle over, doing everything in his power to make a little girl in the cart smile. He then turned to me to show off that she was indeed laughing. THAT is a gift. I see so many bright possibilities for him.
We began the process months ago, putting our place up for sale, explaining to J that this is what was happening. Preparation seems to work best with him. Finally, the place sold. We were keeping our trailer, in the hopes that being in the same home would soften the blow for him. Then, one day the man showed up at the house to begin cutting down trees. J FLIPPED. He could not understand why this man was cutting down trees. It was NOT his place. Then we actually had to move in with my husband's parents for a couple of weeks until we could get things moved over. The complete change in routine (and lack of routine for that matter) led to disaster. He was going to bed two hours later than normal in a different house, and in a different shower every morning, etc. His teacher was emailing me about what an awful week he had had. He had gone backwards, she noticed. We also noticed at home that he was having more crying jags and meltdowns.
We are now back in our house. I am hopeful that this will set his routine back in motion, and will enable him to get back to his normal.
What is autism exactly? Can anyone definitely answer that question? A link to an article can quickly become a hotly debated topic. Is it cause by a vaccine? Is it genetic? Can it be cured? So many questions, with no real answers.
I am going to go out on a limb here, and say what I believe. Now, of course, that doesn't make it the gospel. It doesn't make it true. It doesn't even make it logical. It's just my experience with life. I am pretty sure that autism is genetic. A blog that I follow talked about how hard it is for many parents of autistics to advocate for their children, because many of them display autistic traits themselves. That has really set me to thinking for some time. Even before that, I had my suspicions that this was something that had been passed down through the generations.
For years my brother has been what people have always called "odd, not right, different, weird." He's always been very unemotional. He can't process things. He had tons of ear infections as a child. He was and still is a loner. I could go on and on all day about traits that he has that I guarantee would label him autistic. No one has ever been able to figure him out, but I have a suspicion that I know. He's not the only one that I could point out these behaviors in, but he's certainly the strongest.
I also don't think that there is any ONE thing that triggers autism. Some parents feel that the MMR vaccine triggered it in their child. I think that J's extremely traumatic birth triggered it in him. He's been this way his entire life. Nothing seemed to "trigger" him at any age. He's just always been that way. I think that it's something in their DNA or their brain that is waiting for something to trigger it. I think that trigger can be just about anything. Because I believe this, I don't believe that we will ever find out everything about it. I don't believe that we will ever cure it. I do believe as more environmental factors and other things impact our children, the rates will continue to skyrocket.
I had a frustrating incident today. I won't talk much about it here, because I don't want to offend anyone, but it frustrates me to NO end that there are some people that look at my child and see crying screaming brat/baby who can't handle the situation, and look at another child with a visible disability and have a completely different perception. It's not that he's being a brat, it's not that he's not trying. It's not bad parenting. It's not that we aren't trying. It makes me feel very defeated.
I constantly look for the positive in this situation. I used to spend a lot of time thinking, why? Why my child? Why my family? Why? What did we do? But those are more unanswerable questions. Why any child? Why any family? Why? What did anyone do? I can't dwell on that. This quote came to me, and it fits perfectly. "It's taken me all my life to understand that it is not necessary to understand everything." Rene Coty
I know my posts may seem pretty down a lot, and I apologize for that. I have determined to end every post with a positive, because my son is a great kid.
I truly believe that J is destined for great things. He seems to have a special affinity for young children. Every time he sees a young child or an infant he becomes determined to do everything in his power to make them smile and laugh. As I was standing in the grocery store today, I turned around to find J in the next aisle over, doing everything in his power to make a little girl in the cart smile. He then turned to me to show off that she was indeed laughing. THAT is a gift. I see so many bright possibilities for him.
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