Stress

Stress is very hard on me.  So, I can only imagine the nightmare that stress is for J.  The therapist has tried visualization strategies and counting with him when he is feeling angry or stressed, which so far isn't working.  With him though, repetition tends to help with things, so I haven't given up hope.

You can always tell about a week in advance when he is going to get sick, because his behavior goes wild.  He can barely even stand himself.  He's often wild, unable to focus, jittery.

Even good things stress him out badly.  When he was younger, holidays were a nightmare.  We didn't tell him about special events until a day or two before, because his behavior would get so wild beforehand.

So, you can imagine that a trip to the ER for an injury, even if it's not his, would cause him stress.  We had to go to have a wound looked at today.  It wasn't his, but he was very stressed out.  I always try to get him to take something with him when we go for something that might be traumatizing.  But today, Diary of a Wimpy Kid wasn't enough to distract him from the trauma of someone he loved with a cut open finger and potential stitches.

Before the visit was over, he was arguing with C over every little thing, and sitting in the chair smacking himself on the head with his book and crying.

But you know what?  Every day that goes by, we learn a little more.  I realize what causes these events.  I look back and look over all the times that things like this have happened and realize THIS was what caused it.  I look at it now without the anger that I used to have that he wouldn't behave.  Now I just now that it's autism rearing it's ugly head.  Every day that goes by, we learn tools for getting better.

Hubs and I talked tonight about how much he's grown and changed and learned over the years.  For example, for years, he chewed on everything in his path.  He chewed literally through his clothes.  He chewed his fingers until they were bloody.  He chewed through those HARD plastic magnets that you put on your fridge, to the point that we had to get rid of them.  Well, he also never ate.  He lost massive amounts of weight.  Well, guess what we figured out long ago?  He was chewing because he was so hungry.  Once we got him eating, he quit chewing.  I've seen him do it once in months.  But guess what else we figured out?  He was chewing because he was so hungry, but he was so hungry because he wouldn't eat.  He wouldn't eat because he wouldn't move his bowels.

What a vicious cycle autism is.  I constantly want to rage against it.  I want to tear it apart and stomp on it!  I want to scream at autism GO AWAY.

God gave us our son for a reason.  He knew that we would love and protect him with every breath in us.