Today

I am extremely frustrated with one of the docs that J goes to.  Hubs and I have both discussed it, and feel like he is a doc that has brought us pretty far, but now isn't working for us.  I feel like he is severely overworked, but that's not my fault.  We have been going to him for some time.  The time before last, I took him, and the doc complained at us about how many patients that he had.  He told us that next time we would have to come to another clinic that he goes to, and he wanted to know where we went before we began coming to him.  I have never complained, and have volunteered to go to every clinic that he goes to.  He goes to five that I know of.  He really made me feel like I was wasting his time.

There have been multiple times when I have sent Hubs to go with J, thinking that because of culture differences, maybe this doc didn't respect Moms.  It seems to have no impact whatsoever.  Hubs is just as frustrated with the results.

A typical appointment goes like this.  The nurse calls us back.  She weighs J, takes us into a room, spends a few minutes taking down whatever we can get her told, and then she sends us back up front.  The doc calls us back, (he never remembers J's name, though we've gone to him for SEVERAL years, every few weeks) and he sits and reads what the nurse typed into the computer.  He then takes away a med or ups a med, and walks out of the room.  Typically, this lasts less than ten minutes. 

I am TIRED of feeling like this doctor is doing us a favor by seeing us.  My child is not a number.  I want to know when we go in that he is doing everything that he can to help him.  Yes, the doc is busy.  I get that.  But, my child is just as important as anything else going on. 

He doesn't listen to us.  I am tired of it. This last time, Hubs took Jackson in.  For years we have been telling the doc that J does NOT sleep.  We have tried to get him to help us in some way other than piling on another med, because the meds don't make him sleep. He told us to take him to an ENT and have his tonsils and adenoids checked, and take him to have a sleep study for apnea.  Um, ok.  Don't get me wrong, I am willing to do whatever tests we need to do to find out what is up with J.  But it was a suggestion so FAR out of left field that I couldn't even believe it.  I strongly doubt that a tonsil issue is causing J to overpower the meds that he takes at night and stay awake.  And if he NEVER goes to sleep how in the world are they going to test him for apnea?  I want to figure out what is going on though  If the meds aren't helping, I don't want him taking them.  And in the end, is it just an autism issue that is never going to be resolved?

I have been talking to J's therapist about this, and the therapist has suggested another doc to try.  I am pretty sure that it is something that we are going to have to do, but Lord I am so tired of having to deal with this.  Will I end up going to someone who is just as bad?  Who knows. 

I have learned one thing over the years though.  I cannot sit around and just wait.  Doctors have let us down time and time again.  I have to be proactive at all times.  I just wish that there were a manual of things to do.  Autism is so different for everyone.  No two kids are the same.  It is frustrating and heart wrenching.